Exhibit 1.4.18

A Primer on the Rules of Cricket, Pt. 4

31. The bowler shall be allotted one villain. The villain shall be allotted one nemesis. The nemesis shall be allotted one savior. The savior is allotted nothing. None of these parties shall be allowed in the stadium nor made aware of the game of cricket under penalty of scheming.

32. Tuesday, being The Duke's day, shall be skipped in matches that go on longer than the time between an orphans breakfasts and all subsequent days reordered and renumbered in perpetuity or until the fifth ninth Monday of eighth September.

33. The gambling of shoes is required with the terms secured and held by a foreign national equipped with the proper deity and without want of a castle. Shoes shall be held in the castle with separate keeps to segregate the jodhpurs from the paddocks.

34. Upon the retirement of the butler, his wife shall be made aware of the affair.

35. After assessing the temperament of the bees, any player stung unduly shall be within his rights to engage a barrister and seek recompense from the opposing player nearest the bee at the time of trial.

36. Should fruit be provided oranges are not to be served until the conclusion of the most recent kerfuffle with the Boers.

37. The scuffle with the Boers shall never truly conclude.

38. In the yellow wicket a player may charge the officiate with "Possession" at which time the player will have three attempts to name the demon. Success earns the player the wizard's hat. Failure and the wizard gets to hold the player by the hand and walk him off.

39. The failure to exclaim "That's a feisty bowl of pudding!" after a particularly spectacular woogly results in the whip with no consideration given to the condemned's spleen.

40. Spectacularity is to be determined by the dowager whose whimsy is least beyond reproach. Regardless of the dowager, during the cascades, players are required to say "That's a feisty bowl of pudding!" in the ratio of sparrows to farthings.


Exhibit 1.4.17

Things I Hope People at This Coffeeshop Are Thinking About Me

* Wow, a Macbook. He must be doing art not updating his fantasy football team.

* Wow, a Macbook and iPod, he's stylish yet independent in a way we, with our totally purchased just to conform Macbooks, can only aspire to be.

* That probably isn't the J. Geil's Band we're hearing from his headphones.

* Let's bother him in this small, 2-hour window we have before he starts grading that stack of papers.

* I bet he's an individual who has thoughts on Barthes's Writing Degree Zero and thus making him write about it would be pointless. We'll tell everyone.

* He's in law school.

* I bet he snuck some whiskey into that double-caramel caramel macchiato because he just looks like that sort of guy.

* He probably doesn't want to talk about the Kansas City Royals, but I'm going to ask anyway just in case.

* His computer is angled slightly away so it will be impossible for us to read his short story which we were totally going to do if given a more advantageous angle by which we might have experienced his work that the world is apparently not ready for yet (geometrically speaking).

* Hard to believe someone with such a carefully curated homeless look doesn't have somewhere better to be at 1:30 on a Wednesday.

* Look at the way he doesn't even look up when people are walking by. He's really locked in...O, nope, he's staring at us.


Exhibit 1.4.16


* So, um, it's been awhile. How about that.

* I had a long post on the Penn State scandal written up, but I decided not to post it. There is absolutely nothing else to say about that.

* Literally, the only thing to say is that it's terrible and then shut up.

* Check out the new Wigleaf for some amazing stamp stories, including one from me that's about, I don't know, pilgrims or something. Who knows. What I do know is that the others are awesome and that I'm very happy to be there among them.

* Anyway, it's a very cool issue and a very cool concept. You should definitely buy the book from Mud Luscious here. Do it.

* This new Drake album is The Weeknd's best album ever.

* Maybe I like the Childish Gambino album better, but nothing on there is as good as "Freaks and Geeks."

* Fantasy football update: The Cal Drogo and Mike Kafkaesque are both in 2nd place.

* Grading update: I'm not doing it. I'm doing this.

* I'm barely doing this.


Exhibit 1.4.15

Tattoo Ideas for Someone Else Sorted by Decreasing Likelihood

W.A.S.T.E. symbol

Retweet Icon

Alfred Hitchcock Presents on Lower Stomach

Dino from the Flintstones Playing an Upright Bass

Sitar Diagram

Sheet music for "Up Where We Belong"

Facebook Homepage Which Will Never Ever Change